Chapter 4: Hasaan

"Where the fuck you been nigga? I been blowing your phone up all night!"
"Look Kendra, I'm still too hungover to be dealing with this shit right now. I was with Marco. He got drunk, I took him home and crashed over there. So, chill the fuck out. I'm goin to grab a shower."
"You expect me to believe you was with that fag?"
I hated when Kendra got pissed, she says shit that she soon comes to regret. She was in my face, and all I could think about was Marco.
"First of all, yes I do expect you to believe me because I'm telling you the truth. Second, you better watch your mouth. He's never done anything to you for you to call him out his name. What the fuck is your problem? Look, like I said we went to our boys house, got shit faced, and Marco was puking all over the place. I couldn't leave my boy like that."
Kendra always held this irrational jealousy towards Marco's friendship with me. Until last night, Marco had never done so much as looked at my ass. I walked past Kendra and hopped in the shower. I couldn't believe that I had sex with Marco last night. I wondered if he really didn't remember anything. How did this happen? Why didn't I stop him from kissing me? I couldn't wrap my mind around none of this shit.
Just as I was about to hop out the shower Kendra decided to join me. She knew she was wrong, and this was her way of apologizing. As she washed my back, my mind wandered, flashes of Marco's flesh flooded my mind, and blood flooded my meat. I turned around and Kendra immediately dropped to her knees, I leaned back and let the water run down my chest and stomach as I imagined it was Marco on his knees giving me head. Kendra wasn't nearly as skilled. I told her to get up and turn around, I bent her over and hit it from behind. I tried to drown out Kendra's moans as I reenacted the night before. I closed my eyes and grabbed her hips and before I knew it I was slamming into Marco, I thought about how tight he was and I lost it. It happened, I had bust the fattest nut. I turned around washed up and hopped out the shower. It was official, I couldn't get Marco off my mind. I started to call him, but I decided to wait, I knew Derick would be leaving for work tonight and Marco definitely wasn't gonna talk while he was there.

Chapter 3: Honey, I'm Home...

"Marco, Derick's home!" Hasaan yelled through the door.
My heart stopped, and my mind was racing. Was Hasaan still naked? What would Derick think when I came out clad in only my robe?
"Marco? You okay in there, bro?" Hasaan yelled, "Derick is here."
"I'll be out in a minute." I yelled back.
I went to the sink, tossed some water on my face and went to face my boyfriend.
"You feelin' alright babe?" Derick asked, "Hasaan told me how much you had to drink last night. What were you thinking?"
The look on Derick's face told me he felt as bad as I did about the argument that occurred the day before.
"Look, I can see you two have somethings to talk about, so I'll just let myself out." Hasaan said, "Marco, take care of that hangover bro."
"I'll come lock the door." I said.
As Hasaan left the apartment, he slid his hand in my robe. "I'll call you tonight." He said with a smirk.
"Please don't." I said as I slammed the door behind him.

"Babe, I'm sorry." Derick said, as he walked into the front room, "We both said some things that we shouldn't have, and I just want to apologize."
"I'm sorry too. Look, lets just forget that it even happened ok?"
Derick leaned in for a kiss, and then stopped.
"You weren't in there throwing up were you?" he said.
"No. Why?" I asked.
"Because, I don't wanna kiss you with the vomit mouth." he said with a laugh.
Derick kissed me with his full, soft lips and almost made me forget all about Hasaan.
"I'm not even gonna talk shit about you cooking breakfast food at two o'clock in the afternoon."
"Shut up and come eat," I said "I made some for Hasaan, but Kendra called cursing him out so you know he had to run."
"I'm so glad you got buddies like him to keep an eye on you when I'm not around."
"Yeah, I'm lucky to have friends like him."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hasaan and I had been friends since high school. Him, the typical ball player and myself, the typical bookworm. We ended up randomly being paired to work on a research paper. We exchanged phone numbers and began to work hard on our project. Over the next two weeks, we would work on the assignment then we'd just sit and chat. I don't know what it was, but there was a connection between us. Hasaan would tell me about his childhood, who he was having sex with, and who he wanted to have sex with. Soon, we were very close, he knew my family and I knew his. He was like a brother to me, which is why I was so taken by our night together. I was lost in thought when Derick woke from his nap.
"Babe, whats wrong?"
"Nothing, just thinking." I said looking out the window.
"You sure? You've seemed a little distracted all day."
"I'm fine, I promise. What time do you have to work tonite?" I asked, in an effort to change the subject.
"I'm actually aboout to head to the crib to get ready now, am I coming here, or should I go home when I get off?"
"Come here, definitely." I said with a sly grin across my face.

Chapter 2: Questions, Anyone?

"Oh shit! Marco, your leg!" Hasaan yelled as hot coffee splattered everywhere.
I stood motionless as Hasaan scrambled to pick up the shattered mugs. I felt nothing, no burns, I didn't even care that I was standing in a puddle of hot coffee.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" I finally asked.
"What?" Hasaan asked as he cleaned up the mess.
"What are you doing here?" I asked again.
"Marco, last night was crazy dude." Hasaan said with a grin curling across his lips. "You were drinking 100 proof, with Moscato as a chaser. And lets not talk about the two shots of patron you had."
"Ok, I get it I was drunk as hell. Now, can we get to the part where you tell me how you ended up in my bed?" I said getting annoyed.
"After I helped you get in bed, I left or tried to. You kept saying you didn't wanna be here by yourself, and asked me to stay. We talked for a moment, then you tried to kiss me."
"Wait, so you're telling me that I made the first move?" I said, cutting Hasaan off.
"Look, I was at the door when you leaned in and kissed me. I asked you if you knew what you were doing, and you just kept on kissing me." he said.
"So why didn't you stop me?" I asked.
"I didn't want to." He simply replied.
"So, let me get this straight, I tried to kiss you, and you didn't stop me. You forgot that I had a boyfriend?"
"You forgot you had a boyfriend." he replied, "Don't try to make me the bad guy in this, like I said, you kissed me. Not the other way around."
I stood there as his words hit me like bullets. "You forgot you had a boyfriend." The reality set in, I cheated on Derick. My mind started to race, I felt dizzy. I leaned against the counter, I felt weak. As I went over the events in my mind, I still couldn't piece everything together.
"So, I guess you forgot about Kendra?" I finally said.
"Well, it was kinda hard to focus on her when I had all of that all over me." Hasaan said with a grin that made my stomach turn.
Suddenly, the sight of him was making me physically sick. Here I am, reeling with guilt, and all he could do was make lewd comments.
"Look, I'll deal with Kendra when the time comes. Right now all I can think about is whats under that robe." He said, as he took a step closer to me, reaching for my robe.
He leaned in and kissed me on my neck, pushing his naked body against mine. He undid my robe, and our two naked bodies created a heat that I hadn't felt with Derick in a long time.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I thought to myself.
"Hasaan, stop." I said pushing him away, "You need to leave."
"Why, whats wrong?" Hasaan said.
"THIS! This is wrong, on so many different levels! You have a girlfriend. Look, I think its time for you to leave." I tied my robe, and went to the bathroom. "When I come out, you need to be dressed and ready to leave."
"So, let me get this straight, we share a moment and you just kick me out? Thats fucked up Marco!" Hasaan yelled through the door.
"Moment? There was no moment, when I woke up I thought you were Derick! I didn't cook for you, I cooked for my boyfriend, who I love. Now, I'm gonna ask you one last time to get your shit, and leave!"
"Ok Marco, thats what we're on? I see you."
I sat on the side of the tub as tears streamed down my face. I couldn't believe I had actually cheated on Derick, and with Hasaan. I sat in a trance trying to make sense of everything.
"Whats up Derick?" I heard Hasaan say.
My heart dropped.

Chapter 1: Blame it...

Boom! The sound of the early morning thunderstorm woke me from my alcohol induced slumber. My head was swimming, I was still drunk. "Damn 100 proof" I thought to myself. I don't even know how I even made into my apartment. As I laid there listening to the symphony of the storm, the body next to me shifted and threw his muscular arm around me. I must have been more fucked up than I thought. Apparently my boyfriend Derick came over. "Did I call him?" I thought. It wouldn't be the first time I've called him when I was drunk or high to come over. We had argued the day before, but I knew if I called he'd come. I snuggled in closer and began to fall back to sleep. Just as I was dozing off, I heard Lil' Wayne coming from the other side of the bed.

"Babe, your phone is ringing." I said without opening my eyes. Derick was as silent as a stone. He'd obviously been drinking last night too.

The ringing stopped briefly, then resumed.

"Derick, please get your phone before I answer it."

Just as I was about to reach over and grab the phone, the ringing stopped. "I guess we're all made up." I thought to myself as I fell back to sleep.

When I woke again, the storm had passed, I wasn't dizzy, and even though the sun was high in the sky, Derick was still sleep. He had turned his back to me, so I seized the opportunity to run to the bathroom. As I got up, it was apparent that we had made up. I found a shiny gold condom wrapper on the floor by my side of the bed, and another by the foot of the bed. I chuckled. I walked my naked body to the washroom. I relieved myself, and hopped in the shower. As I washed last night away, my stomach began to growl. After my shower, I threw on my robe, and strutted back to the bedroom. Derick was still sleep.

"Babe, Im about to cook. Do you want something?" I asked.

"Coffee." his muffled response came from under the pillow.

"Anything else?"

"Nah, that's it."

I whipped up some eggs and toast for the both of us, Derick had a habit of trying to snatch food off my plate. I set the food on the table, and put the coffee on.

"Babe, I made you some eggs and toast too, it'll help if you're hungover." I yelled from the kitchen. Just as I poured our cups of coffee, I heard the bathroom door shut. Shortly after I heard the shuffle of flip flops headed to the kitchen.

"Man, that smells really good Marco."

As I turned around, my heart dropped as quickly as the coffee mugs hit the floor. I was so shocked, I didn't even feel the hot coffee splatter on my legs.

"Hasaan?"


To be continued....

"Life is an occasion...rise to it"

Wow, its been a nice little minute since I've posted a blog entry. Well, as many of you know, I made the decision to join the military. I've been on the road to enlistment for about a month now. Its funny how it went from a thought, to a notion, to the only thing I can see myself accomplishing. It all started with a test, the ASVAB test. The ASVAB test is the test that lets you know what jobs you're best suited for in the military. Took the test, with one days notice, scored five points shy of what i needed to move forward. Now, the old me would have given up at that point, and just paid it and kept moving. Instead, I immediately got home, went to amazon.com and ordered a study booklet. I had 30 days to retest and also detox from my smoking. The smoking was a struggle, I must admit. Y'all know how much I enjoy my Cudi sessions, lol. But I stayed away from the mj, and eventually passed my drug test. I studied as much as I could, then I was ready for the retest. Last week, I took the retest, and surpassed the score I needed. Last thursday I went to MEPS. MEPS is basically where I go to take my physical. MEPS was a crazy experience. We were taken to this hotel by alstate arena to stay the night, we were fed, then basically sent to our room. The actual day of the physical started at 4:00 in the morning. We were out of the hotel by 5:15, and went to the facility. From there we were herded from room to room, and poked, prodded, had our nuts squeezed, told to turn our heads and cough, bent over, and told to piss in a room of 5 other people, at least 3 feet from the stall, then weighed in, and told to do all types of excercises in front of 17 other dudes in nothing but their underwear. After all of that, you would then be informed if you qualified or not. Unfortunately, I didn't qualify. I was 3 percent over the BMI percentage allowed. I was crushed. I was hurt. I was embarrassed. I felt like a failure. Once again, the old me would have just said fuck it. But, nope, I WILL BE A SOLDIER. If for nothing else, because this has truly been a challenge thus far. So basically like my title says..."LIFE IS AN OCCASION...RISE TO IT" and damnit, I'm rising higer than ever.

He's Not THAT Into You: How to get Kane Alexander

Well, with Valentines day two weeks away, I'm feeling all retrospective of past relationships, and things that was done that completely turned me OFF. So, I decided I'll let y'all know what to do to possibly get me...lol

Less is more.
I don't need you to constantly tell me how: hot, sexy, cute, attractive, fine, or any other words you wanna use to compliment me. I find myself wary of those who feel the need to CONTINUOUSLY compliment me. A compliment here and there is just fine. I like actions, not words. Which brings me to my second point...

Dude, we just met.
If we met on Friday, and by Monday you're calling me baby...it scares the shit out of me. If we are in the early stages of getting to know each other, calling me by my name is just fine. How in the hell can I be your "baby" if you don't even know my middle name? The "too much, too soon" is kind of a deal breaker for me. I don't like uber clingy.

I don't work in a daycare or a zoo.
"I just ain't found a nigga who can handle me." If you have found yourself saying this often, I implore you, keep it moving. I feel that the only things in the world that needs "handling" are babies, and animals. Usually, the dudes that need handlers are uber bitchy, prone to having bad attitudes, and generally crazy. That type of shit may turn some people on, but not this guy.

Bro's before Hoes.
Now, first off, I don't mean "Hoe" in a disrespectful way. But just to get my point across. My friends are my family. We ride together, and if you don't like them, well...either you deal or keep it moving. I try my best to keep my lovers and friends at the same level, we will kick it as whole often. I like for my friends to know my guy and vice versa to avoid the whole "Your spending too much time" arguments from either side. I'll never force my guy to "like" my friends, but respect is a must.

The Bey effect.
I love Beyonce. Point blank. And yes, I will look at you strangely if you profess early on that you don't. In my book, that's on the same level as being crazy. Its best to keep it to yourself until I'm too far in to judge you. LOL. (But I'm SO serious.)

This is a relationship, not High School.
So, Im not one for tests. Don't resort to trying to set me up just to see my reaction or to get an answer. I'll let you know a secret, I'll be pissed. And, you'll be single. I don't like games.

Speak your mind.
If you have something to say, say it. I may come off as a bit bullheaded at times, but in relationships, I'm very compromising. If you have a complaint or a concern, by all means, voice it. I'm not a mind reader. I'm very empathic, I can tell when something is bothering you, even if I don't say it. So just be honest.

We need to talk.
If you ever wanna see me freak the fuck out, utter those words. I hate them. Bad things generally follow, so if we actually need to talk, its best to not use those particular words in that particular order.

$!@&^#, @*(+#))@*(#)(, *@7#^^@%.
Please do not get offended easily. I have the mouth of a fucking sailor. I curse a lot. I enjoy cursing. I do it daily. If you can't handle rated r language, then I'm definitely not the man you're looking for.

Party, Party, Party, Let's all get wasted.
There will be times that I will be going out clubbing with either my brothers or my crew. Don't expect an invite all the time. I'll never go out without letting you know, but its not always gonna an invite accompanying the informing. And if I let you know where I'm going, never mistake it as me asking permission. This one guy I was dating preferred that I didn't go to this particular party, and for reasons that had NOTHING to do with me. That was the beginning of the end. Also, if we happen to end up in the same club/party cake mode is not always necessary, dance, have a good time, just be mindful, and know boundaries, and we'll be cool.

Lights, Camera, ACTION!
I probably should've made this one of the first ones. The quickest way to get to me is to keep me entertained. I'm a Libra, I like good conversation, and witty individuals. My brother likes to call it, being "mindfucked". If you can't make me laugh, I can get pass that, but if you are about as much fun to talk to as a window, then we have a problem.

Don't fly me away, don't need to buy a diamond key to unlock my heart.
I don't need, nor want your money. Gifts are nice, in moderation. I was raised that anything I need, I can get it myself. I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T.

So, thats all for now people...FIN.

Decisions...Decisions....

So as it seems, the bitch ass upper management of Borders has decided to contest my unemployment payments. Basically, I could lose the small income that I have. Jobs aren't calling, I don't even have any interviews set up. So where does that leave me? Broke and jobless. So, what are my options really? Well, (in the event that they cut off my unemployment)I can sit around the house with no money, and apply for jobs all day online, (since I won't have money to actually catch the bus)I can lose my damn mind from being broke as fuck all the time, or I can join the military. There are many who I feels like theres another option, but PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT IT IS...
I'm not saying I wanna go because I feel that its the best thing to do, or even because I really want to, but I see no other options, either that, or apply to be a cop...and either one doesn't fit me at all...so I'm waiting to hear from the unemployment people and I have to wait til then to make a decision...

Who I Am... The Life and Times of Kane Alexander (PT 2)

So, where did I leave off??? Oh, yeah... Both my brothers were in new relationships, while I had made a new friend.

In the midst of my working my new job, getting to know Cam, and trying to not feel like the third wheel, I just wanted to feel wanted. So I turned to my old coping mechanism. I began to use physical connections as a means to combat the loneliness I was feeling. Bad idea. I got it in, whenever, and damn near where ever I pleased. Bit by bit, I was breaking down on the inside. The thing with meaningless sex is this, its empty. You can't find comfort in empty acts. The void I was feeling only grew larger and larger. Then one day, I got the phone call.
"Hi, is this Marshall?" the voice said.
"Yeah, this is he." I replied.
"Hi, I work for the Daily Egyptian (Carbondale's student news paper), and I wanted to ask you a few questions about Mikal Donaldson, is that okay with you?"
"Sure, but Im a little confused about why. I haven't spoken to Mickey in about 2 weeks." I said.
"Oh, my God. You don't know?" she said, "Mikal was found dead in his home this morning."
The world stopped. I was at work, and I had just parked one of the rental cars when those words came out her mouth. I was stuck, I didn't know what to do. I could not hold back my tears. One of the first people I met in Carbondale had died. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't walk. I was in the garage so long, that one of the associates came to check on me. She found me sobbing in the car I had just finished with. Every time I had to repeat those words "Mickey's dead" it hurt even more. I was the first of our friends to know.
Days pass, and I'm in a fog. I was going through the motions. I'd force myself to smile, and breakdown whenever I was alone. One day it was so bad, I had to ask to go home early. Then, one night it happened. Cam and I had planned to hang out, I was tired of talking to Drizzy and Dramatic and listening to them go on about their blossoming relationships, and I needed a break. We sat and listened to music, and watched movies, and just chilled. Then there was a kiss. The kiss. I don't remember who kissed whom, but I do remember feeling something. Something wasn't right about that kiss, I knew it, but I kissed him back anyway. Before I knew it, we were dating. It all was a blur, we went from 0-100 in a matter of days. I found myself questioning if this was what I wanted early on. After an argument about a party, I knew there weren't any feelings. But I HAD to make this work, to prove to myself that I could maintain a healthy normal relationship. It became increasingly difficult as Cam began to show his true color. Homeboy was NUTS. If we had sex as much as we argued, things would have been ok. Hell, if we had sex at all, things would have been different. 6 months and two indiscretions later, I dissolved our relationship. After the breakup, I decided that it was time to make some changes in my life. I began to take stock of my friendships, my whole way of life needed to change. I decided to start writing, instead of screwing. I knew I needed to change. I knew that I needed to find other ways of dealing with loneliness, but old habits are hard to break. But eventually, I won.
Fast forward to April 2008. My brothers ex confessed to having feelings for me. The feeling was more than mutual. I asked my brother if he would be cool with me and the ex to explore the possibility of us being more than friends, and my brother adamantly refused. I decided to do it anyway. So I secretly dated him. I felt horrible about going behind my brothers back, but at the same time I felt that I had won the prize I had been waiting on. A month later it was over. I kept the secret from my brother for months. It killed me to smile in my bro's face, knowing that I had willingly betrayed him. Eventually, I began to think that the secret would just die. But as they say, "Whats done in the dark will ALWAYS come to light."
Its November, and I had met this young man, and we clicked instantly. Not really sure what I was looking for, I kept my growing feelings to myself. Then thanksgiving night happened. We took our friendship to another level. We began dating, and everything was going great. I was ready to introduce this guy to my friends, and my brothers. December 30th, 2008 we double dated with Dramatic. December 31st, we kicked it hard with Duke and Wifey at our NYE party. January 9th, I got another phone call. "I think I like your brother." I was floored. I felt hurt, betrayed, and I had no clue what to do. So, I lashed out. I called Duke, we got a bottle, and I began to drink WHOLE cups of vodka. I fell myself falling into a dark place, and quick. I ordered my brother to never contact him, blind to my own transgressions. I ran my brothers name through the mud. January 10th, I was out drinking again, and he called, "You told your brother to never talk to me again?" I was livid. I immediately called Dramatic, and laid into him for telling my guy I didn't want them contacting each other, and in a fit of rage, I let go of the biggest secret I had ever kept between us. The events that followed sent me down a road of loneliness and depression. I hated myself, almost as much as I hated my "ex". I became a dark person. I felt nothing. I was set to make him feel all the pain I was feeling. For the first time, I voiced how hurt I was, and I made sure he knew that he affected me in such a manner. I had one thing on my mind, and that was revenge. I had lost my brother, and I knew it was my fault. Valentine's day came around, and my ex tricked me into spending it with him. Little did I know that we would end up re-living thanksgiving. Two days later we were back together. While Dramatic and I were back on speaking terms, I had to convince him that there was a method to my madness. And a few months later, I successfully hurt T. I had no cares about the collateral damage I caused. It was official, I was in a dark place. I began to question who I was as a person. I couldn't be such an evil individual. But here I was hurting people, doing what I pleased, when I pleased. I had also managed to put EVERY ONE OF MY FRIENDS in an awkward position surrounding my situation. I definitely needed to regroup.
Eventually, I was healed. My heart no longer hurt because I found love. I found love in myself, I knew all my friends loved me and wanted the best for me, and as long as I had them, I would never be alone. By the summer of 09, I was a new person. The man you guys know now. I learned my lessons, and I'm always willing to share my story. This who I am. Im flawed, my past isn't snow white, but its the past, and it makes me who I am today. A strong MAN.

FIN.

Who I Am... The Life and Times of Kane Alexander (PT 1)

October 7, 1986 I came into the world, but I didn't come alone. That's right, I'm a twin. I am technically the youngest of four. I have one sister, and two brothers who passed as little babies. I grew up fairly normal. I had my mom, my dad, and my Granny. Pretty typical upbringing. I was a bit of an overachiever in grade school, good grades, and all. Boring. LOL, my life was pretty boring until my teen years, but when I was eleven my life changed completely. I experienced my first death in my immediate family. November 2, 1997, my dad passed away. I planned his funeral, meaning I picked the casket, the burial ground, the date and time of the funeral. I got so sick of my mother crying, and moaning about how she couldn't do it, so I did.
Let's fast forward to my high school years. Carver Military Academy. Yes, I am the product of military school. And yes, I went voluntarily. I was terrified of high school. I had managed to burn bridges with the only person I really knew at my new school, the year before in 8th grade. In the beginning I spent a lot of time by myself, I wouldn't call myself a loner, but I felt alone. Mostly because I felt sooo different, than everyone else. I kept these feelings to myself for a long time. For the first month of HS I was basically navigating my way trying to deal with these thoughts and feelings I was having. Eventually, I found my place, alongside Duke and Lady. During the summer following our freshman year, I came to terms with the fact that I was indeed different than most of the kids in the school, I realized my sexuality. It terrified me. I was confused, worried, and lonely. I grew closer to Lady, while Duke and I remained mutual acquaintances. By the start of sophomore year, Lady and I were inseparable, we even had division(homeroom)together. Before I knew it, Lady was my best friend. We shared everything, our deepest secrets, fears, hopes, etc. She was my rock and my confidant, yet I still felt distant. Over the years at Carver, I became a different person, I was no longer shy, I began to carve my niche as McIntosh, the dude who didn't give a fuck. That's why people liked me, and hated me, cuz I was known for speaking my mind, good or bad. The monster had been unleashed.

I hope Im not boring y'all, its gonna get good, I swear.

I had my friends, and my associates, my grades weren't all that, but I was cool with that. I found my insecurities growing though. I found myself looking in the mirror, and seeing someone ugly, and unattractive, I saw an abomination. I had met a few people who were also gay, and they seemed to get me, they seemed to understand. But eventually, they would fade. I would get those types of friends in waves, they would come and go. Which made me feel very alone, and unloved. Then it happened, I had my first hook up. I was an insecure 17 year old, and he was an insecure 21 year old... we were friends. After the first time, I felt like I had done something so terribly wrong, that it actually depressed me. Not enough to keep it from happening again, or again...or again. Or again. Eventually, I grew bored. I completely disconnected myself from him, and our "friendship", I just wanted him out of my life, and he wasn't going as easily as I would have liked. He was the first time I had to hurt someone. The floodgates opened. I was having sex, and lots of it. I didn't care. I wasn't reckless, but I didn't see the point in trying to get close to anyone, I felt this was all there was, pointless, emotionless, sex. (And apparently, I was good at it, so why not.) By the time I was 18, I had my first real relationship. Talk about a bad romance. This relationship was SO bad, Im not even gonna talk about it much, but it broke me down, and wore me out. And while Im semi-secretly(at this point Lady knows I'm a homo) dating this guy, my home life is going to hell, Im in the middle of trying to get myself into college, and we have to vote my mom off the island for being a drunk, and Im dealing with a nigga who is so uncaring and insensitive. Then I met Drizzy. We were both about to start a new stage in our lives, he was attending the college of my dreams JACKSON STATE UNIVERSITY,and he was also in a shitty relationship so we learned to lean on each other, and we became really good friends. I felt like I had met someone who I had finally connected with, it was a great thing.
By the summer of 2005 life was changed again, my best friend was gone to basic training, my "relationship" was still draining the hell out of me, and I was so over it all. I got the best letter of my life saying I had been accepted to Southern Illinois University, and I had a way out. A way out of the house that was strangling me, a way out of this horrible relationship, a way out of the city. I was uber geeked. That August, I was officially on my own. Thus began my life as a struggling student. Also, the start of another evolution. I was struggling for real, surviving on work study checks (about 60-70 dollars every 2 weeks) 20 bucks here and there from home, and ZERO help from my mom. I became very self sufficient. I also began to look at my family and friends very differently, there was times when my friends would do for me, when I'd beg my mother for a little help. I also began to feel more comfortable with myself, and I was in a good place. Then I met Dramatic. We clicked instantly, we talked damn near everyday for almost a year...then the brotherhood was formed.
After a year and a half, the struggle became too much, I was tired of having no help from the fam, and asking my friends to help out here and there when they could, so I decided to leave Carbondale. My life in Chicago was pretty decent, I was with out a job for about 2 weeks, and I was back on my shit. Then I met Cam. We were friends, and nothing more. Dramatic started dating this guy, and Drizzy was dating, and I was feeling lonesome again. So I fell back into old habits, false physical attachments and nothing more.

A Change Gon' Come...

So, I have like three major things to talk touch on today, so I'm gonna try not to keep you long. Lets jump right into it then, shall we?
Lady, Duke, and myself had our talk Sunday night, and we aired out our grievances with each other, and we owned up to all wrongdoing. All was well with us, except Lady said something that didn't sit too well with me. "Y'all made me look stupid, I've been defending y'all to Prince(ss) Charming, while she tellin' me y'all ain't my real friends..."

Time. OUT.

The way that sounds is that this chick (Prince(ss) Charming) has been telling Lady that Duke and I aren't good friends, BEFORE this stuff happened. Now, I told Wifey about what was said, and she agrees that maybe that was something that should've been kept between them. Now, everyone who knows me closely knows that I'm not the biggest fan of lesbians. Before y'all start a whole debate and start calling me hypocritical, I don't hate them, nor do I dislike them wholly, just not the biggest fan. But, I digress. So, I already have feelings about this chick, and for her to speak out of place about a friendship that doesn't concern her kind of leaves me with a sour taste. I would hate to have to hate her all because the lesbian can't keep her mouth shut and know her role. I hope Prince(ss) Charming realized that we were here before her, and we for damn sure ain't going NOWHERE.

So my second issue is this, I'm back on the grind trying to find a job. I had a preliminary phone interview with a place, and admittedly its not really where I would like to work, but at this point, beggars can't be choosers. But tomorrow, Lady, Duke, and myself will be doing apps, dropping resumes, and basically putting in the leg work to get back on our feet. I mean I'm goin EVERYWHERE. But here's the the dilemma, after telling Sis about the phone call, first thing out her mouth is, "Well, what shifts will they have you working?" and I immediately knew what she was getting at...who's gonna take the kids to school and pick them up? Well, Im not shorting myself on any hours or money, nor am I turning down a job so that her life will be more convenient. I dont mind helping, but its time I refocus on myself.

I'll let y'all know know how the hunt went, but I have a REAAAALLLLY GREAT feeling about this.

FIN.

The Lady, The Duke, and Kane Alexander

So once upon a time, there were three friends, The Lady, The Duke, and Kane. They were thick as thieves. Their friendship survived a lot, and while Kane and The Duke's friendship was never weak, it was strengthened when The Lady was sent away to the far away land of Afghanistan. After a very long year, the Lady was freed and returned home to her two best friends. The trio rejoiced and celebrated for two months straight, yet, something was different. Though the Lady was very generous and eager to spend time with the Duke and Kane her attention was always split between her two friends, and her new love, Prince(ss) Charming. The Duke and Kane often felt left out because The Lady was always on the phone with Prince(ss) Charming, who hadn't yet been released form the land of Afghanistan.
As time went on, The Lady, The Duke, and Kane slowly stopped celebrating as much, The Duke moved to the distant land of Indiana, and the Lady retreated to the phone calls of Prince(ss) Charming. The trio were still close, yet things were slowly changing. Eventually, they barely saw each other. Then one day The Duke moved back home, and things seemed bright. As the Lady noticed, Kane and the The Duke shared a secret bond, they both along with Wildstyle (the Dukes play brother) began to have Cudi sessions more and more. Once it was discussed whether Kane, The Duke's and Wildstyles, Cudi consumption was causing a rift between the three friends, but the Lady said "no."
All of a sudden, the Lady seemed withdrawn, and unreachable. And sadly, the trio became The Duke, Wildstyle and Kane, no Lady to be found. Weeks passed and Kane and the Duke hadn't seen their friend. Before anyone knew it, Prince(ss) Charming had returned home just as the trio were reuniting. Just like that, the Lady became withdrawn and unresponsive yet again.
So, now The Lady, The Duke, and Kane are not as they once were, and if they are to survive they must discuss this issue.

Moral: Duke and I are on the rocks with Lady. Im hoping that Lady's girlfriend doesn't end up playing Yoko to our happy family, but there are already instances of Lady choosing Princess Charming over us. So hopefully this talk will repair the rifts.

Fin.

Get to know Kane...

So, this is my very first blog entry so I feel that it would be appropriate for you guys to get to know me, and my cast of characters. First, a lil (or a lot) about yours truly. I'm your typical 23 year old dude. I'm a twitter fiend, I'm not one to really bite my tongue. I say whats on my mind even though sometimes I should probably just shut the hell up. I'm NOT a Beyonce stan. I like to call myself "pro-Bey" or an Beyonce enthusiast even. So, there will be some post where she shall be mentioned. I plan to use this blog as a candid look into my life. Yeah, I post like crazy on twitter, and I'm pretty open, but, this will be much more intimate. I'll be posting shit as though I'm the only one reading this. So I hope y'all get to know a lot about me, including the TMI stuff...lol.
Now, there are quite a few people who will be mentioned often so you should probably get to know them now.

Lady: Lady is my best friend, my female counterpart, like me, she's strong willed, stubborn, and says what ever is on her mind. Oh, and she is a new found Lesbione...

Duke: Duke is my male best friend, usually the one to make the wrong decisions, he's still a good person to have in your circle, talented beyond measure, he's my barber, he draws, he works on cars, he's a father. The last title is his drive, he's the definition of a hustler.

Wifey: Duke's on again, off again girlfriend, she attends a prestigious university in W. Lafeyette, Indiana. She's the youngest, and the most trouble sometimes...lol...always the first to wanna party, alot of drunken blogs will be because of Wifey.

Sis: My sister, she can be a bit of a hard ass at times, but she's cool. But she pushes my buttons more than anyone else...lol...

Dramatic: Dramatic is one of my brothers from another mother, he can be a bit abrasive and even though we are closer than most blood siblings, we can fight like cats and dogs at the drop of a dime.

Drizzy: My other brother from another mother. Grad student, kinda quiet, I think out of all my friends, we argue the least. He can be kinda nonchalant, but that doesn't mean that he's oblivious to the things thats goin on, so don't try it.

So thats my family. I love em, and they will be mentioned often so I really hope you were paying attention.

Fin.